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Humanities specialists and commanders in war
I don’t understand why humanities specialists are considered to be incapable of fighting. It does not depend on which field you belong to but on the kind of character you have. You can be a locksmith, a translator or both at the same time. Although people who know infrastructure things are in high demand here.
As a translator in my pre-war life, I only knew how to click on the keyboard. Relatively speaking, I even partially lost the skills of handwriting. But the university, post-university, translation or editorial baggage does not bother me too much. Our unit has formed a very diverse company with a number of people of different specialities, many of who know how to do something with their hands. There are people who know how to work, like fixing a car, and they are very valuable. But there are quite a lot of those who worked as high bosses in drilling, oil and gas, and some other directorates before the war, and now they are paratroopers, and they are not bad.
Belligerence and motivation
I have seen quite a few people who look very belligerent. But after the first flights, they get a little «blown away». Who gets involved in this war, who can do what, depends on character, not on belonging to a certain circle.
Different things motivate people in diverse ways. I came because it seemed wrong to me that peaceful, civilian people were dying when I could have done something. Many of those motivated by this have greater resilience. But for many people who were taken away by military recruiters, their internal motivation was a little different, and it was harder for them, no matter how big, tall or belligerent they were.
The attitude to the army before the war and now
My pre-war vision of the army was completely negative. It seemed to me that in all organizational and historical aspects, it was post-Soviet and quite a broken one. This perception of the army in society was quite strong. I did not see any attraction of being a soldier before the war. But, obviously, the war will change this radically, because it changes this army very much for the better, and we show it. Its highest goal is to protect the country. In this regard, there is a qualitative leap.
Weapons and attachment to material things
Before the first wounding, I was a machine gunner. I had a German 7.62mm MG3 machine gun. It is good at service and work.
Despite all the specifics of the machine gunner’s work, it’s better than post-Soviet analogues. But I’m not attached to weapons, no way. I am somehow neither cold nor hot towards it. Being at war, it is pointless to get attached to things: weapons, equipment, or anything else necessary. Of course, you have something more convenient, more useful, with which you feel good. But, as my first injury showed, at that moment you are trying to decide whether you will continue to live or not. And this moment of the material well shows that everything is quite fleeting.
About injuries and what people feel under fire
There are different people having different energy and courage with which they rush into battle. I cannot generalize at the level of a brigade, a company, or even the level of our small team. The unit is something that I take to mind, to imagine my limits, and it is quite dynamic. Since July, I have been in some larger actions and noticed that there is a very large rotation of people. There were many injuries, marked as the so-called «300» – this is the post-Soviet nomenclature. And when so many people change, it’s hard for you to speak for everyone. Higher-level commanders could do it better.
My first injury seems to have happened in July. This was a rather strange phenomenon. You can imagine how it will be, but the idea is very different from the sensations you get when you experience it live. It seems to me that many of those who are currently at war are getting stuck at this point, whether they can bear it or not. This moment, this situation forces you to decide very quickly – yes or no. Many people can have traumatic experiences if they are in a team that does not support them. But, as a rule, it is a team effort. And if they don’t beat everyone together, then you have the opportunity to help a comrade when he somehow got stuck. You can help a person get out of this in different ways. But the movement means life during the warfare. During assaults, you definitely need to move forward, because then there is a greater chance that you will not stop moving permanently.
The first time it flew into my temple, the second time was into my leg. But according to some medical documentation, which I have not read and do not fully know due to being a mobilized as opposed to a professional military, it actually flew into my flesh, that is, into my muscles. Therefore, such injuries are considered quite light, you just recover faster after them.
There are things related to contusions. My eardrum was torn. It is something fantastic: it regenerates by itself if you let it rest. But it happens that the holes are too big, and then you have to help. For some time, I could not hear in one ear, and even now, in the studio, I can hear the «noise of the sea» in my left ear. Apparently, this is for a long time. Because, as I understood from the words of military and civilian physicians, this is something that is not fully understood. From head to ear, noise can be very different. A contusion is considered very strange in terms of diagnosis and treatment because it is not a very visible factor. If you get shrapnel, you see where the blood is flowing, where the leg is cut, and it can somehow be «repaired», wrapped up, sewn up after a certain period. But in the case of a contusion, if the person’s ears are not torn and the pressure changes, this already requires more complex things. And it happens very easily because it is a concussion from the fact that a blast hit your head or a fragment «belled» somewhere.
When a mine flies at you, explodes next to you, and you crouch somewhere; when your car is torn apart or a wounded comrade is nearby, and you have to somehow take care of him, this creates a borderline in reality. As a rule, this is connected with arrivals. It’s pretty scary when a tank is shelling at you. It is something that exists subconsciously, beyond our will and control, because our body is straining. And this is the difference between a tense body and our way of reacting in a controlled way, what should be done at one or another moment when you understand that you can be killed right now.
Addiction to death
I would not go beyond some personal experience here, how one feels about death. If a person treats it fearlessly in civilian life, it is obvious that even in the war he will not be too focused on it, it will be easier for him later. But if a person has a different nurture and education, if her whole background is denying to distance him from death that is quite a common phenomenon in our culture – then a person has to deal with it somehow. Not to run away, not to be afraid of it as something inevitable. Although death is inevitable. It is difficult to speak for other people because everyone can have their own reaction. What would I have to complain about this reaction, this previous experience, or history? There may be situations or complaints when people stop working collectively. But they correct themselves during joint work and helping each other. As a rule, all our fighters are motivated to action,
Whether problems will appear in society because of people with PTSD
I’m an optimist, so it seems to me that there will be few spillovers when this results in some social action. Because our common cause, which we do, dominates all this possible trauma. Apparently, there will be injuries for many. I am calm for now, but it is quite possible that it will come out somewhere in some way. At the end of the day, we’re human, and we always have something going on. But if the country will move normally, if the social impulse of justice that this war gives will not be harmed by some destructive, corrupt or other cases, then I see no reason why this should be a problem for society.
Personal experience
I participated in one event, a performance. The sound engineer, a young boy, didn’t do a good job, so it kind of pissed me off internally, and I reflected on that. It stresses me out when people don’t do things well, don’t work in a team. After the experience of the war, I have a more striking reaction to this. It is easier for me to be on this side, I have experience of borderlineness, so it will be easier for me to present it. I will not do unnecessary interpretative work: what did the person mean, maybe he has these or those circumstances, if he does not do what he should do. In Lviv, it was often the case that people talked too much and acted too little ti be enough, at least before the war.
There is a certain moment between the injury itself and the evacuation. My adrenaline was really high then, although maybe I wasn’t hurt as much as other guys or girls. What changed before my eyes from my first assault in July to the last ones was the evacuation. Here it is happening just fantastically, everything is working to save the soldier. Of course, I speak for my type of troops, my circumstances. Maybe somewhere it happens differently, in a different rhythm, pace, in accordance to other rules. But in my case, everything happened with attention to human life worthy of admiration. The second time was even better. That is, our military medics or logistics, headquarters, which think it all through, are really working on something very well. And I hope that medicine will be enriched after this.
The company commander suggested me for the position of junior sergeant, or even a unit commander, because there is value in people who have been at the front longer than those who have arrived recently. It’s just that when you have more experience, you know a little better or very well certain things that you should do or not do: whether to climb over the trench immediately after the explosion, or not to climb, or to stand huddled together and watch some equipment go by, or not to do this. That is, there are a lot of nuances that you find out only because you have been in combat longer.
For me, it’s also about responsibility for the soldiers you take care of. I stopped being a machine gunner, I became more attached to internal, unit communication. I am surprised, although it probably happens from time to time with people, that they become someone. But my level is very basic, so I don’t have a big understanding of how it is radically different, except for a little more experience.
I am not in that kind of army that can face the enemy for a long time and in real time. But judging by the trenches we captured, they are filled with different ones, at least in our direction. I understand that our Kherson direction was better prepared by the enemy. They had a lot of time to prepare, fix the shooting positions, understand their possibilities, and calculate where our army will attack. They had much more artillery and resources at that time.
The price of war
A journalist, who is in the news, sees moments of injustice from politicians, some organizations. He has a keen eye for it, as it is said. I am among the lower levels of the soldiery. They notice all things related to the community. The same community of help, that is, all volunteerism is extremely visible and finds a response. All these tragic things that are happening, the deaths of civilians, the deaths of soldiers, all this mass of injustice towards us makes us rally. At my level, I feel this cohesion is a positive thing that will not cause post-war distortions.
Everyone who is at war feels this support very much, which comes completely harmonious, appropriate, and clear from society. What is happening in our society amazes me personally. And then, there will be factum verum, as Giambattista Vico said – the truth in what will be done.
Many people who were internally attached to Russian culture are now breaking with it on large and small, family, semantic, and cultural levels. This is a global separation of one continent from another, it will not give anything to glue it together. There may be problems for people who are internally dependent on Russian messages, Russian culture, which is clearly an enemy to the majority of society. And if it is not an enemy for someone, there may be problems. But this will not harm our unity in any way: it has already happened, it already exists. We have already won by the very fact of glueing our society into something bigger. Although, of course, it experiences this tragedy, connected with death, destruction, and ruin.
What Yevhen wanted to do after the war
We hope that this war will end. We pray on it. May it happen faster. I am very interested in how everything will be after the war. My personal biggest motivation is to survive this war to see how interesting, dynamic and active everything will be next, where it will all go. I am interested in how this life together will develop. I hope to return to my cultural work. Cultural studies in our context is a vague concept, there can be very different things in Lviv, in Kalush or elsewhere, related to what I did before the war.
Text: Marichka Ilyina
Translated by Vitalii Holich
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